Such sweet sorrow

"I just want to say, I love this place! This has been my life and so it's going to be very odd, I think for all of us, because I don't know what my day-to-day life consists of without you--all of you--and it's wonderful. And I just want to say that I've loved every minute. And I thank you all very much."

The lovely Janette posted this video on Tumblr just now, which has the cast and crew from Harry Potter saying goodbye to the films. It's emotional and lovely, and Daniel Radcliffe's speech at the end just summed up everything I feel about leaving Aix.

It just doesn't feel right that we're leaving. Somehow Aix became my home these past weeks. I know that sounds lame, but the fountains and markets are part of my daily life now; I can't imagine being without them. I can't imagine walking down a busy street and not hearing French. I've become so used to these things, and to eating fruit and cheese and baguette every day. This was the summer of apricots and peaches for Cara and me, starting with our apricot juice on the first day. I never successfully ate a peach in class; I always got juice all over myself.

More than anything, I'm going to miss the people. I miss them already, and I haven't yet left. I wish I could be poetic about it, but I can't. Each time I try, I start tearing up and end up writing something heartfelt but terrible. I've deleted so many sentences. I love my friends here, and I don't know what else to say about them. I have this feeling that they're supposed to stay a part of my life for a really long time. I wish I could take them home in my suitcase and introduce them to everyone else I love. We've talked about reunions, and normally I'm cynical about those sort of plans, but I really do know that we're going to see each other again. We couldn't not.

Kevin, Janette, Kyle and me

Last night was a lovely end to the trip. I got dinner with Janette, Kyle, Kevin, Mia, Elle and Mel: we went to a restaurant called La Fontaine. We tried pastis (I loved it) and drank wine and finished eating at 11. Then we went to a bar called Le Manoir, which was a lot of fun. Our group changed throughout the night; Elle and Mel left, while the other Katherine, Brooke, Clara and Kim came. We drank and danced and talked about how much we love Aix. The bar closed at 2, and we went on to a club, which became more crowded as time went on. Finally we realized how late it was (with finals the next day!) and were heading home, when we decided to jump in the fountain. La Rotonde is, as Janette put it, "the biggest fountain in the city of fountains." I've posted pictures of it before; it is from 1860 and marks one end of the Cours Mirabeau. You're have to jump in the fountain before you leave Aix. (It's like streaking the Colonnade at W&L.) So we did, and it may sound mundane but it was beautiful. It was cold, but you got used to it. Janette, Kyle and I even climbed up to the second level, where the water was much shallower. Walking back in wet jeans after 4 am was completely worth it.

Recreating a classic at the Place de l'Hôtel de Ville

Today we had finals, which were fine. I never wrote about my classes; they were nice, although archaeology could be a lot of work. I loved my professor for Provence in film & literature. Professor Radulescu had told me to take classes specific to Provence, and I'm glad I did, because I got more of a sense for the region and for the city itself. At the same time, there are so many things I wish I'd done and seen that I didn't. I guess that's natural (is it?). I wish I had more time. I wish it were June again.

As Kevin said earlier today in regard to the archaeology final, "J'ai ramblé." I'm rambling now, with the fascinating result of having said nothing. I'm relying on quotes and pictures and stories because I don't know what else to put up here. I want to analyze how I was a big brave girl to go off into France all by myself, but right now I just don't want to leave and I can't think about anything else.

Remember this first picture of Cara, Kyle and me at Roussillon? Janette took it. It's still one of my favorites from the summer.

After finals, IAU threw a little farewell party with sparkling wine and cookies. It was nice to get everyone together so we could say a proper goodbye, but something felt off. We were trying to act like we weren't leaving. We kept hugging and promising to keep in touch, but we couldn't actually leave; it's hard. I'm used to sad goodbyes (summer camp!), but that doesn't make them easier. On my walk home, I got a song stuck in my head--and for once, it wasn't "La Force du Destin." It was "Be Back Soon" from Oliver!; at camp, we sing it at the end of term. The lyrics (to the camp version) are below.

Cheerio, but be back soon
We know somehow we’ll miss you
We love you, that why we say, “Cheerio,” not goodbye

Don’t be gone long, be back soon
Give me one long last “God bless you”
Remember this old tune... Be back soon!

We must not fear, we’ll be back here,
Today, perhaps tomorrow.
We’ll miss you too, it’s sad but true
That parting is such sweet sorrow.

And when we’re in the distance
You’ll hear this whispered tune...
So long, fare thee well
Pip! Pip! Cheerio! We’ll be back soon

When we were finally saying goodbye for real and walking away, we decided to say à bientôt instead of au revoir. Because à bientôt means "see you soon."